Darwin, Capitalism, and the Rise of the Economic Stinkbug

Here you see a man with enough money to hunt endangered animals on other continents. This man assuredly views himself as a lion in the economic sphere, which only goes to show what a perversion of nature our economy has become. If this is what we regard as an example of human nature at its peak, then humanity shall swiftly pass from the face of the earth, and justly so. Evolution will not long permit such an aberration.

The laws of the market determine different winners than the laws of nature. And what happens when a man lives according to laws contrary to nature’s laws? He becomes unnatural. Inferior men are thrust into positions of power they themselves know they do not deserve. Unlike a natural man, an unnatural man senses he is a fraud and feels always on the brink of being discovered. Like a wounded animal hiding its defect, he becomes defensive, more prone to lash out lest anyone discover the hidden flaw. He acquires more and more as a way to convince himself and others that he is as great as he feels he needs to be. He becomes cruel, indifferent to the pain of others. The natural man will kill in order to sustain himself and his family. The unnatural man kills because he comes to enjoy it, or because he no longer accepts that he himself has any role to play in the death of others. He has re-written the natural rules, the universe is his to define. It is the law of the market that speaks, and morality has no part in it. The market dictates that you take whatever you can, whether you need it or not.

A lot of people say that capitalism is simply taking the law of the jungle, survival of the fittest, and applying it to the world of finance. That is not true. Capitalism uses one principal of the jungle, yes, the ruthlessness, but it removes tooth and claw and brute strength from the equation. It substitutes instead the attributes of the worm and the mole, the gnat and the mosquito.

Jonathon Swift once said: “If you ever find an intelligent good looking aristocrat it’s probably the coachman’s son.” The best offspring of the capitalist class are spawned in torrid affairs but it is not the bastard offspring that get the benefit of the wealth but the lesser ones that are hatched in a financially constructed household. To them are the nests feathered with hundred dollar bills while the hardiest of the breed are lucky to get a college education. Thus the wealth of a capitalist society, like that of the royalty of days past, is inevitably concentrated in the hands of the mediocre inbreds.

But money does a good job disguising bad genes. Acne medicines, plastic surgery, liposuction, well-tailored suits all go towards making an inferior product look appetizing, like a well-waxed apple. And a Harvard degree, made possible only because your father went there and could afford to send you, is more important than intelligence. Just look how smart the Scarecrow seemed once he got his diploma.

What physical strength is necessary for the capitalist? None. Intelligence? Only a rudimentary amount. Too much is counter-productive. A mind interested in maximizing profit should work only on the economic level. To them existence is only comprehended in the economic sphere. All of mankind’s great ideas are lost to the man of money.

His eyesight need only be good enough to see the bottom line, his hearing need only be able to hear the cash register ring.

His attributes are no doubt refined, but like the whippet or the aardvark, are useful only in limited applications. The intelligence of the capitalist can best be witnessed in the likes of Donald Trump, an idiot-savant who nonetheless is able to succeed extraordinarily well with what few talents he possesses. You only need enough intelligence to learn a sucker’s game, like three card monty, and then play it over and over again. Too much intelligence and you would soon be bored with the game.

Most of all, learn to serve your master, whether he be your boss, you prospective client, the masses, whoever has cash they’re willing to part with. Identify the teat with the most milk and do what ever it takes to get it flowing.

The traits of the capitalist are these:

Monomania

Sociopathy

Ability to hide your sociopathic traits

To a lesser degree, work ethic

And there you have it, the traits of the 1/10 of 1% These are not traits of a lion, but those of an ant or chihuahua. Persistence wins over strength, intelligence, or worth to one’s fellow creatures. To pass on these genes is to pass on traits unhelpful to the species as a whole, not to mention the planet. Too much a love of money in ones genetics is as harmful to oneself as a predisposition for alcohol, and much more harmful to others. The worst harm a drunk has ever caused that I can think of is the Exxon Valdez oil spill, which while awful, pales next to what the oil industrialists are doing overall.

Think about it. Those who would never waste the time nor money on an art degree are the very same ones who own the world’s greatest art. It hangs on walls of rooms seldom visited. And when looked at, it is not appreciated as art, but is there rather as a trophy, next to the head of a lion they shot while on vacation. This is not natural, it is a perversion of nature that needs to be rectified. 

The Church Of The Market: An Exercise In Sarcasm

     The lesson to be learned is this: no matter how well-intentioned you are, your attempts to make the world a better place are futile. Worse than futile, because your foolish meddling will actually make things worse.

     The world is what it is and the iron-clad laws are firmly understood. Nothing you can do will change it. Any attempt to help the plight of your fellow man will only deprive them of the most important quality they posses: their animal urge to survive by whatever means necessary. It is only the threat of being swallowed by the economic abyss that will compel humans to be the creatures they are meant to be. Receiving a handout or a hand up will never help them learn the essential lesson of life, that we are each alone in this world.

     Fortunately there is hope for all of us, a path we can take that can and will lead us to a golden future. Here is the good news we can all take to heart: Each of us, acting individually and selfishly as consumers, can change the world! Yes, you the consumer have the power to change corporate America’s behavior. You can save the rainforest and increase wages for underage sweatshop workers in Bangladesh simply by making the right choices when shopping. All you have to do is vote Coke or Pepsi and the giant wheels of industry will turn at your request. The world is constantly improving as a result, daily becoming more and more perfect because of the choices you make while at your local Walmart.

     You see, there is true magic in the world, the magic of the marketplace. More powerful than Harry Potter’s wand or Gandalf’s staff, it is capable of sprinkling fairy dust on your purchasing decisions and making dreams come true. Behold the Dinamita Dorito. 

How else to explain such a thing than with words like magic or miracle? And would a world without Live Wire Mountain Dew be one worth living in? Such things would not exist if it were not for our participation in the only vehicle of social interaction that matters: the free market.

     Now the free market being a thing of magic, there is no way to try to explain it, we can only accept its magic and wonder in its miracles. One only has to witness the glory of ultra high definition 3D television to realize that it is the one true path for humanity to follow. Any attempt to undermine it or balance it with other forms of human organization would be unpatriotic, wrong-headed, naïve, hypocritical (Have you never eaten a Dorito?) and contrary to the will of God.

     Indeed, even to question the God-given right of the free market to determine the path humanity might take is a dangerous practice. Thoughts must take a back seat to the material marvels of market forces. For ideas are merely ideas after all, while 3D televisions are AWESOME!

     So put aside the thoughts that only serve to disquiet you. It’s best not to think about how, if we all are voting with our dollars, it means billionaires get billons more votes than most of us. It’s best not to consider that things like 3D television or the 30^th permutation of a drug whose patent has expired exist not because we as consumers asked for it but because they make money for the producers. And never for a moment let it enter your head that those with the most power do not truly believe themselves in the great and holy market. Do not allow the idea to take root in your thoughts that the priests and prophets of the golden bull might themselves forget their religion if the opportunity to earn a quick buck came along at the expense of the freeness of the market. After all, it is the integrity of the system, not a love of money that compels our financial leaders. Their morality is beyond any suspicion we lesser mortals might possess, the proof being that they are rich and we are not.

     Such thoughts would cause the whole of our existence to come crashing down around us, and it would be you who is to blame. The free market needs your undying belief and, upon occasion, your sacrifice. For a great and giving thing the beast may be, but like any god it too requires sacrifice of its followers. So while there is nothing we Americans profess to love more than Freedom, sometimes it is necessary to abandon the lesser freedom for the greater. So let us abandon free thought for the sake of the free market. After all, faith requires it.