My mom is 91 and
has moved into an assisted living facility. A lot of stuff from her house got
thrown out, other things sold in an estate sale. What was left were the important
things, the things that regardless of monetary value, mean the most to our
family. These are the things that define who we are. In the end, it comes down
to the contents of a few cardboard boxes.
I finally got
a chance to go through a couple of these boxes. They were filled with old
photos, work done by us children when we were in school, and various mementos
of a lifetime. There was a bell-shaped Christmas ornament my grandmother hung
on the tree the year my father was born. There were pictures of my grandfather
in his World War I uniform, and postcards from the lodge my dad once owned. But
something I came across really surprised me, something that meant a lot to more
than just my family.
I came across two
old newspapers, over thirty years old. One was the last issue of the Chicago
Daily News, a paper that had been around 102 years. The other was an issue of the Chicago
Tribune. What stuck out for me was that Mike Royko was on the cover of both of
them. In the Daily News, it was Mike Royko who was permitted to write the
obituary for the paper that was perhaps best known for, well, Mike Royko. In
The Tribune, the front page announced that Mike Royko would be joining their
paper to write his daily column.
That’s how
important Mike Royko was to us, that these two papers made it into these boxes
of family memorabilia. And not just to my dad, or to me, or someone else, but
to just about the whole family. And we weren’t that kind of family that agreed
on everything political, either. I remember some intense arguments in the house
and even a fair amount of yelling. But Mike Royko was the kind of guy that cut through all
of the nonsense and got to the heart of the matter. He was able to speak to the
conservative and the liberal with a common sense manner and Joe Average style of language. Everybody liked him.
Well, not
everybody. Mike Royko never shied away from going after the powerful and the
corrupt, the kind of people that tried to make you see life through their eyes,
tried to sell you their story and make it look right. He was merciless at humbling the mighty, tearing to shreds stories built on faulty premises. And as
he did so, he was able to make you laugh. Because, see, when someone shows you
an absurdity and builds it up so much that it starts to make sense, and then he
pokes that bloated bubble of absurdity with a few well-sharpened points, that’s what
humor is all about.
There were many
years I read his article on an almost daily basis, and I was always amazed at
the way he could be so consistently perceptive and witty. And likeable. Those
were formative years for me. His column would be the highlight of the
newspaper, no matter what was going on in the world or how my sports teams were
doing. Royko’s column usually spoke to the most important matters of the day
and more often than not gave the definitive perspective on it.
In my best
moments as a writer, when words and ideas flow from my pen or keyboard, I permit myself to
think I am somehow channeling Mike Royko, that somehow I am able to keep his
spirit alive through my writing. This is pure egotism on my part, but it is
undeniable that Mike Royko has influenced not only my writing but who I am as a
human being.
Let me give you this one little taste, one of thousands of
pieces he wrote over the years:
A Rich Lesson In Citizenship
Mike Royko
It`s always poignant when a boatload of
half-starved Haitians tries to land in this country, only to be turned away
because they don`t qualify.
But that`s the way our immigration laws are
written. Not just anybody can become an American.
People can`t come here only because they want
to improve themselves economically, as the skinny Haitians do.
If that were the only qualification, half the
hungry world would be streaming into this country.
Thus, we have the limited immigration quotas,
most of which have long waiting lists. And we take some people who are fleeing
communist tyranny. (If you happen to be fleeing from a right-wing tyrant, you
have a real problem.)
We also admit people who have a skill in short
supply here. That`s how many foreign doctors and nurses made it.
So I`m a little puzzled by the matter-of-fact
way Rupert Murdoch announced that he intends to quickly become a citizen of
this country.
I don`t see how Murdoch qualifies.
For one thing, he`s not fleeing communism or
any other form of tyranny. He`s already a citizen of Australia, which is a very
nice, freedom-loving country. He`s treated with great respect in Australia
because he`s rich and powerful, and anybody who doesn`t treat him with respect
will feel bad in the morning.
Nor does he have a skill that is in short
supply. By profession, Murdoch is a greedy, money-grubbing, power-seeking,
status-climbing cad.
Since when is that skill in short supply?
Stroll along Chicago`s LaSalle Street or New York`s Wall Street, and you`ll see
thousands of greedy, money-grubbing, power-seeking cads.
Just read the financial pages. It`s all
corporate raids, greenmail, hostile takeovers and other forms of modern-day
piracy. If John Dillinger were alive, he`d put away his pistol, get an MBA, and
if he could pull off a big enough heist, he`d be invited to join the best
clubs.
So why does Murdoch want to become a citizen?
For the very same reason that those rejected
Haitians and all the Mexican illegals want to come here - except on a much
grander, greedier scale.
He`s already incredibly rich, but he wants
more and more. That, in turn, will allow him to exercise more and more
political influence.
Now, you might think that a man who is already
one of the richest, most powerful men in Australia, and who owns newspapers and
magazines all over the United States and in England, would be content with his
bottom line.
But not Murdoch. Hundreds of millions aren`t
enough. He wants billions. He wants all he can get, and then some.
To get it, he`s set out to buy a chain of TV
stations in some of America`s major cities, creating his own network. That way,
he will make even more money while tinkering with the minds of the viewers.
But a sensible law stands in his way. Because
of the potential of television to scramble, shrink or soften our brains, only
an American citizen can own more than a minority interest in a TV station.
And because of that restriction alone, Murdoch
says he is going to become a citizen of this country.
Well, that doesn`t seem fair. If a Haitian on
a leaky boat can`t come here to improve his pitiful economic condition, why
should a bloated millionaire be welcome? And for the opportunity to earn a
living, the Haitian would be willing to sweep stables, behead chickens or clean
toilets. Murdoch? His approach has been to fire American workers and break
unions in order to increase his own cash flow.
We might also consider the question of
character, of which Murdoch has little.
For one thing, he is a proven ingrate. His
willingness to switch national loyalties establishes that. If you had more
money than you could ever spend, would you consider giving up your American
citizenship just to add to the pile?
But Murdoch is willing to wave goodbye to
Australia, because he`s already taken as much as he can out of his homeland.
And in England, where he also wheels and deals, the antimonopoly laws frustrate
him.
He`s also a proven liar. Only 18 months ago,
when he bought the Chicago Sun-Times, he vowed to improve the paper and said he
was making a journalistic commitment to this city. Some commitment. He promptly
trashed and gutted that once-fine paper. And now he`s casually put it up for
sale because he wants to switch to the TV business.
Finally, why would we want to give citizenship
to somebody who has contempt for Americans? In his heart, if such an organ
exists, Murdoch thinks we`re boobs. That`s why he publishes boob-mentality
newspapers. He thinks that`s all we can understand. And he hires only
Australian or English editors because he thinks American editors don`t
understand what boobs Americans really are.
So if Murdoch is allowed to become a citizen -
while we`re turning away people who are running from death squads or starvation
- then we should make one small change in the plans to renovate the Statue of
Liberty.
Get rid of the torch. Just have the lady hold
up her hand - with the middle finger extended.
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